Monday, November 12, 2012

Guilt By...Disassociation?


1. A formal declaration that someone is guilty of a criminal offense, made by the verdict of a jury or the decision of a judge in a court...

Anybody know what it's like to pray to God every day for spiritual conviction?

I feel like I have to be doing or thinking something wrong to keep getting horrible results.

Or am I getting horrible results at all?

Yesterday was my birthday. I hadn't felt that lonely in a while. My day was an emotional rollercoaster, but eventually leveled out to a pleasant afternoon. At one point (or...a few points actually), I wept in remembrance of the weekend that I'd envisioned only a few weeks prior. I was to have the weekend off, planning to attend a wedding with him & celebrate my special day with those whom I love.

Well. That day was almost a not-so-special day spent with no one at all.

Enter God.

When I tell you that some stuff worked out, babay, it WORKED OUT. I can scarcely remember a time in which I felt such an outpouring of love that stuck to me....stuck to my bones like the first hearty meal in a while. I got to spend time with several old friends; it was like we'd never been apart. They reminded me of why we were friends- we were friends because they chose to love me anyway. I, in turn, got to love on them & send out some encouragement and lots of hugs. In each reunion, the core of reciprocity was evident. I didn't have to be someone else to be worthy of their company- I was enough. Even with my handful of broken pieces and with sadness & "why's" in my eyes, they held those pieces for me if only for a few hours to lessen the burden.

Why? Because that's what REAL friends do.


In the aftermath of the elections, so many thoughts invade my mind.

"If I'm wrong, that means that everyone else (the others) who thinks this is wrong..."

"The others are pastors, community leaders, entrepreneurs, veterans..."

".....[insert look of confusion & headaches]...."

Which brings me to my next question:

Does the world see individuals with mixed political & social views as lukewarm, spineless minions controlled by the media?

I'll speak on this- or rather pose more questions- in this next few entries entitled "No Country For Moderates".

Perhaps these folk, myself included, are indeed guilty...

1 comment:

  1. HOOORRAAYYY! i am so glad you felt loved on your birthday! that was certainly my prayer for you!

    as far as the elections go, i've no idea. i don't know much about politics. i have some friends who consider themselves moderates, though i'm not sure exactly what that means for each of them.

    everyone votes his or her conscience and his or her world view. for some people that's colored by churchianity and/or "patriotism." for others, it's colored by racial politics. for some others, it's about liberalism. for still others, its faith and/or a standard God set forth. and for the rest, it's WHATEVER!

    i think it's funny that people assume i voted one way or another based on my skin color or the theology i hold to. 9 times out of 10 either assumption is wrong.

    i am just proud that i voted my conscience. and that i wholeheartedly believe i could stand before the Lord w/my hands clean.